Those Advice shared by A Dad That Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to open up among men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."